I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize