Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
