I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
