batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
