Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
