She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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