this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
