people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
