Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
