Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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