my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
