Define "chronic" masturbator.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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