Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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