hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
