he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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