Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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