Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
