omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
