She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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