At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
