the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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