So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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