Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
