"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
