Well douche your snatch and let's go!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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