sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
