ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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