my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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