Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize