Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
