Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
