oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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