Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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