Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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