I need to stop coming to work sober
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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