dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
