dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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