after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
