Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
