im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
