Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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