ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
