Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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