Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
