Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize