just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize