Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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