There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
