how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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