I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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