you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
