I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
