it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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