I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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