He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
