There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
