My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sarcasm needs its own font
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
