At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
