every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
