We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
