Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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