Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
