I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
