I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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