We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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