My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to have your abortion
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
