No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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